Me, on Meditation

For me the symphony of sleep is played by an orchestra of thyroid levels and medication, depression medication and good sleep hygiene. When my orchestra hits a sour note, it is often at 3am. Perhaps I was too sleepy from low thyroid levels and went to sleep too early. After what my body considers enough sleep, I wake up...at 3am instead of 6am. At this point my mind kicks into high gear. I think of Algebra exams or tasks that need doing around the house or worry about some concern of the week. Zelda, my cat, knows I am awake and usually sits on my chest or bites my arm lightly to encourage some interaction.

About two years ago, I started trying to meditate at this time. Nothing extraordinary, just the discipline of silence and stillness. Mostly, I just listen. It's quiet, it's dark and if Zelda will not bite me, it works pretty well.

I keep my eyes closed and try to relax any part of me that is tensed up. I breathe. I close my eyes. I see the color black; I think about what I see. Now, here is where I had to work on some of this. I can't just think of nothing and look at nothing. I am a visual person. So, I see the color black. I just look at that. I try to see into the blackness. It sounds kind of boring, but my eyes and my brain start to make little ghostly patterns in the blackness. (Now, sometimes, here, I just fall asleep. Deal done. That's fine. I am supposed to be sleeping anyway.) If sleep stays away, sometimes I repeat in my mind some phrase. It can be anything...a bit of a song or verse, a motto, a question. Or sometimes, I am just as silent as possible in my own head. When I am like that, I just go with it. It is very relaxing. Sometimes I think I "hear" something. A problem unravels, a worry falls away, a peace is created in me.

So often, when we pray, we ask GOD a question. How can we hear the answer if we don't listen, quietly, expectantly? Sometimes, when I am quiet, I hear GOD. At the very least, I know GOD hears me. Listen...

...don't be afraid to ask.